Often, we talk about the importance of letting children express their thoughts, needs, and opinions. However, for children and adults alike, it’s critical to strike a balance between speaking and listening. Here are my top 3 rules for how to be a better listener.
1. Speaking Less & Listening More Helps Us Learn
This rule comes from Buddha. When we speak, we only repeat what we already know, but when we listen, we can learn something new. Listen to your children to learn about how they view and experience the world. It is likely very different from an adult’s perspective. Once you grasp the child’s perspective, you can better help them with their struggles.
Don’t stick to an agenda for a conversation or preach to/lecture your child. Instead, ask them open-ended questions that invite their participation, like:
- “How did you feel?”
- “What are your thoughts on [insert topic or situation here]?”
- “Do you have any ideas about how to approach [insert situation here]?”
2. Listen to Understand, Not Just to Reply
This rule comes from Stephen R. Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He notes how most people are preparing to speak while listening to someone else rather than focusing on what they’re hearing.
The next time you talk to your child, pay attention to their wording, the emotions in their tone of voice, and what they’re trying to convey. Being interested in another person’s story shows them you care and this is crucial for parent-child relationships. Listen to your kids as it’s really the best way to show that you care about them and their lives.
3. Don’t Multitask While Listening
Be present. Never multitask while in the conversation. No matter what HR experts or others may tell you, our brain can only focus on one task at a time. When multitasking, your attention shifts from one task or person to another rather than staying on both at the same time. This process is called fractioning attention and takes a lot of cognitive load. You may even end up not paying complete attention to anything if you’re multitasking.
If you’re writing emails or doing the dishes while your child is talking, you are sending them a message that their words are not important to you. Stop doing other tasks and just be present.
Conclusion
Listening is a key skill in life. By listening to your children without speaking over them or multitasking, you also teach them to be good listeners. At GSGF, we aim to help our children become responsible green leaders for the sake of us and our planet.
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