Types of Loneliness & Tips to Overcome Being Lonely

More and more people are feeling lonely in recent years. While it’s important to acknowledge loneliness, it’s also important to know what being lonely really means so we can better understand what we’re feeling and learn how to overcome it. Loneliness has many definitions. Common ones include “a state of solitude or being alone,” the “inability to find meaning in one’s life,” “negative and unpleasant feelings,” and “a feeling of disconnectedness or isolation.” Despite these definitions, being lonely isn’t always bad. It can help us slow down in the fast-paced modern world.

The 3 Types of Loneliness

Studies have classified loneliness into 3 main types based on causes: situational loneliness, developmental loneliness, and internal loneliness.

Situational Loneliness

This type of loneliness arises when people go through major changes. People who move to a new country are likely to feel situational loneliness, especially if they are leaving their family and friends behind. It is only natural to feel alone when adapting to a new culture, learning a new language, and navigating foreign streets. Those who move across states for a new job or change schools may also experience situational loneliness since they are likely leaving behind the people they used to hang out with.

Another group which can experience situational loneliness is single parents. Between child rearing and working, they may not have the time and energy to socialize. Being lonely can affect a parent’s ability to take care of their children.

Retired people are also at risk for this type of loneliness. They have been used to working their 9-to-5s and may struggle to find a new routine. Their friends and family may still be working or busy raising children.

Tips to Overcome it

If you’re adjusting to a new place, remember that the first few weeks or months may be difficult, but it will get better. Instead of staying at home and isolating yourself, try exploring your new community and socializing. Here are some activities you can try:

• Attending local events
• Joining online support groups
• Signing up for a gym membership
• Volunteering
• Finding a new hobby
• Hiring a nanny for the kids
• Hanging out with coworkers/classmates outside of work/school
• Going to networking events

Developmental Loneliness 

As psychologists have pointed out, we need social interaction to develop ourselves. This type of loneliness is where you feel developmentally behind in some way, whether it’s physical, academic, professional, or emotional. While it’s good to look to peers for guidance and advice, constantly comparing ourselves to others can do more bad than good. We are all unique with our own interests, opinions, and personality quirks.

Tips to Overcome it

• Remind yourself of your strengths
• Write out a list of your accomplishments
• Hang out with people who accept you
• Set small, achievable goals for yourself

Internal Loneliness

This type of loneliness is not based on environmental changes or other people. Instead, it comes from within an individual. Studies have found a correlation between internal loneliness and locus of control. Locus of control is divided into two principal categories: internal and external. People who believe their actions directly lead to an outcome have an internal locus of control. They tend to be less lonely because they feel like they have control over their lives. On the other hand, those with an external locus of control will attribute their success to luck, timing, or fate. These people tend to be more lonely because they think external factors, not their actions, determine the course of their lives.

On a similar note to the external locus of control, low self-esteem is another contributor to internal loneliness. It is difficult to keep up with relationships and connect with others when you feel like you are not worth it. Why does this happen? In the modern world of mass media and fast-paced living, perfectionism feels like the standard. People may think they are failing just because they cannot meet these high expectations.

Tips to Overcome it

To combat low self-esteem, remind yourself you don’t need to live up to unrealistic standards. Here are some specific tips:

• Confront negative self-talk and replace it with affirmations
• Try looking confident by standing up straight with a wide stance
• Do an activity you love

Conclusion: Overcoming Loneliness & Beyond

There are many reasons and ways for people to feel alienated, isolated, disconnected, and lonely. Trying the above tips, from joining interest groups to volunteering, may be helpful for you. For those who feel like their loneliness is getting too much for them, professional help may be necessary. In these cases, their feelings may be beyond loneliness.

At GSGF, we believe in helping ourselves and our children lead healthy and sustainable lives through awareness, education, and advocacy.