To say our world has changed beyond recognition is an understatement. The world we parents grew up in seems like a distant dream. We were prepared for a life that is much different from what we see today. There has been a massive overhaul in values, traditions, expression, perceptions and education, just to list a few. As parents we often wonder how to raise our children right. In the past, most people brought their children up the same way that they themselves were brought up. But it is different today. We are the generation that was prepared for a particular world. Now, we live in a very different world and have the task of parenting our children for a very different world we could not have even imagined.
Over the years, depression and anxiety rates have skyrocketed for both children and parents. As parents, we must not only remain calm and cope with our own stress, but also support our little ones as they deal with their stress (even our teenagers are our little ones). Giving our children a balanced life while worrying about social media influencing them, rising drug and substance abuse, the current climate crisis, political disasters, and personal setbacks is tough. Some must do this while working multiple jobs to provide for the family. It can feel exhausting all the time. Here are some parenting suggestions that can help to make things a little better for us and our children:
1. Come to terms with the current scenario
Social media, peer pressure, natural disasters, all the other things bigger than us are here to stay. Worrying and panicking is only going to worsen how we cope with them. Our children can be very perceptive of how we feel. When we worry, they worry too. It is important that we come to terms with everything that is happening today and avoid comparing current times with the past. We are moving ahead into the future and that is where we should focus. As parents, we should face the challenges life throws at us and find the best solution we can to cope with it.
2. Understand what children struggle with
Kids today live under pressures different from the ones we lived with. Is it realistic of us to expect perfection from them? They don’t feel like going to school in the same way that we want to take the day off. They vent their frustrations the same way adults do. They know their minds the way we think we know ours. We shouldn’t expect our children to not engage in these behaviours because we do them too. We should put ourselves in their shoes without judging first and understand their challenges in an empathic way. We can certainly provide a different perspective and give them the freedom to choose what they think best. This teaches children about careful deliberation and problem-solving.
3. Have open conversations and treat kids like an equal
Gone are the days where children listen to their parents “because they said so.” We should respect their words and actions. The ‘time-out’ and ‘physical discipline’ methods can have adverse consequences. It is important for us to model how actions have consequences without being authoritarian. The tenets of gentle and authoritative parenting can be helpful here. To be clear, authoritative parenting is not the same as authoritarian parenting.
4. Re-establish family values and traditions
While we take pride in passing our family values and traditions to our children, it is important to consider whether they are still relevant. We will not help our children by teaching them values meant for the past. If you do so, your children could struggle between doing what you taught them and what they think they should do. This isn’t to say we should sacrifice all ethics and morals, but rather, we should be putting them into context with our children’s lives today. This will make the values make sense encourage children to live by them. Narrating relevant stories on how our lives were like when we were young can give them an idea of what values helped guide us through life and how they can use them in their own lives.
5. Support them like a friend, but ensure their safety
As parents, we need to walk the fine line between being care-free friends and strict, disciplinarian parents. It is true we have seen more of life and have more experience with the world than our children. We need to create a safe environment for them to feel comfortable approaching us and asking us questions. We also need to be open to admitting that we don’t know everything and involve them in finding answers to those questions we struggle with. Often, we either become too much of a friend to our children or too strict of a parent. Let us remember our children only have us to be their parents. We have to treat them like equals to us and respect them to gain their trust. At the same time, we should establish some regulations and as parents. It is a tightrope we have to walk.
6. Model behaviours and follow-through on them
Children learn by imitating what we do more than listening to us tell them about what to do. Most of the time, when we speak, kids don’t pay attention or only pay partial attention. They are intelligent enough to understand when we don’t practice what we preach and are comfortable enough to question us. We need to think about how we would expect our children to deal with a similar scenario in the future and model the behaviour. This also means we as parents have to confront certain ideas and patterns we have been following all our lives and re-evaluate them. It is an opportunity for us to grow as human beings and as parents alongside our children.
Conclusion
The above points are just a start. There are a lot of things we can do to make sure we are raising our kids to cope with the pressures of tomorrow. There is no one-size-fits-all. Work out what is important to your family and start from there. We cannot know what’s in store for our kids and anticipation is often a source of big anxiety. Our world will continue to change and new threats challenges will emerge. Just take it one day at a time and prepare your children for the future. We can teach them to make good choices and think critically to thrive in life.
At Green Schools Green Future, we encourage both parents and children to do their research and be well-informed.
Help us build our first green school! We will empower children with the skills and hands-on education they need to become responsible and eco-conscious leaders.
Sources:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-is-gentle-parenting-5189566
https://sagefamily.com/what-is-gentle-parenting/
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_parents_can_help_kids_thrive_in_an_uncertain_future
https://courageousparenting.com/episodes/how-to-stay-motivated-parenting-in-an-uncertain-world-part-2/
https://www.goskippingstones.com/blog/2020/7/10/6-steps-to-raising-kids-with-healthy-minds-in-an-uncertain-world
